Each of us has not just appeared on Earth, and each has its own destiny. And we came to this world to realize our inner potential. And what is your potential? What abilities do you have?
“Yes, no!” Or “And I don’t know my abilities” are the most frequent answers to such questions. And at the same time, every person deep down wants to become someone. But how can one become that coveted “someone” if one does not know about one’s abilities and does not see them? That is why in our world there are so few people who realize their true abilities.
Who is a self-actualizing person?
One who seeks the full use of his talent, his abilities and his potential.
Well, well, if a person does not know his abilities, then at some point anyway, after all, there is a desire to know them. Find out who I am and why I am. Someone has a strong desire, someone weak, and someone does not even think about it. And if this desire — to know oneself and find one’s abilities — has appeared, such a person begins to know himself.
Abraham Maslow: “Musicians must play music, artists must draw, poets must compose poems if they, after all, want to be at peace with themselves. People must be who they can be. They must be true to their nature. ”
When a person embarks on this path of self-knowledge, he immediately encounters two main obstacles: the need for security and the need for respect. It is these needs that do not allow us to move forward. A person can speak for a very long time and smartly about “growth”, but he will still remain in that and with what he knew and what he was used to.
The first thing to do when a person embarks on the path of self-actualization is to find a sense of security in himself. "I have me, and I will never betray myself and give up myself." And this should not be just words, it should become an internal state!
"They all left me!"
"Where are you? Have you abandoned yourself too? ”
As long as a person has a strong need for security, he is not able to build something new. Safety is to keep all the weeds and try to grow a rose among them. And if you close your eyes to the weeds, do not weed them, then sooner or later they will strangle this rose. All that remains is the appearance of moving forward - the field is constantly and nearby strewn with weeds with dried sprouts of something new. Therefore, the courage to admit your “weeds” is an indispensable component of self-actualization.
The second is to stop demanding respect from others, to understand and acknowledge that in essence you are already perfect. And actions - we do nothing to the detriment of ourselves. If we commit some seemingly unseemly act, then we commit it only because it brings us (our personality) satisfaction, otherwise we would not have committed it. (This is another interesting topic and we will talk about it in detail another time.)
The process of knowing oneself is always a willingness to take risks, make mistakes, abandon old habits. But this is not a fight against old habits and limitations. This is a search for what prevents us from moving forward and courage to do things differently than always. Only through courage can new ideas be opened up, new experiences that can lead to the top, or maybe to failure. But the realization that every lesson is good will lead along the path of growth. And this is a personal path, not imposed by the environment - what is right and what is not right.
Moreover, the process of coming to oneself is slow and painful. This is a constant stream, not a fixed achievement. That is why so many refuse it. It is always nice to achieve something and sit on our laurels, doing nothing else.
But no one can force a person to embark on the path of self-actualization. It is only a conscious choice to become what you can be.
The next action is concentration and concentration. Access to an effective perception of reality. And effective perception of reality is the ability to perceive the world impartially, constantly being aware of what is happening in reality inside and around a person. Decide at what point a person is, how he creates what surrounds him.
To learn to see the surrounding reality as it is, with all its pluses and minuses, and not as it would be desirable to see it. The most interesting thing is that such a vision gives the ability to distinguish falsehood and dishonesty. Hopes, expectations, anxieties and fears will no longer affect the perception of reality.
Next is the study of one's inner nature and action in accordance with it. Learning to decide for ourselves what we like best. Not what is right and what is wrong, but what you like and what you don’t like, where you get real pleasure. Which films do you like more, what thoughts, ideas, regardless of the opinions of others.
All this leads to the fact that a person does not lose the feeling of joy in life. He easily accepts other people and humanity as a whole, not trying to control, teach, remake others, “customize” for himself. A person becomes free and provides freedom of choice and freedom of expression to others. Excessive feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety cease to aggravate, supercriticality to their shortcomings and weaknesses goes away.
The next step is to learn to be honest with yourself. Take responsibility for your actions, actions and thoughts. And the main thing here is to stop looking for excuses and shift the blame on others for your actions, your thoughts, stop striving to be good for everyone. You cannot please everyone in this world, because the task is not to become even more convenient for others, but to find yourself.
The next thing is to learn to act in accordance with your judgments, to assess your needs soundly, to figure out which ones are inherent in you and which ones are induced by society, parents, and the environment. All this contributes to the most accurate solution - what is needed and what is right specifically for a given person.
Thanks to this, interaction with others is already being built without the desire to produce an effect and amaze with something. "Show-off" leaves and naturalness, simplicity and spontaneity appear. And this already leads to the ability to easily adapt to the surrounding reality, there is such a quality as tolerance. But with all this, if there is a need to be irreconcilable and, despite the threat of condemnation or rejection, his opinion is expressed without hesitation.
The next step is to figure out your potential. Find what brings the most satisfaction, in which you feel your talent and develop it to perfection. Maybe you cook well and, developing your talent, you could become a cook whose skill delights.
Maybe you know how to organize holidays, create unique copyrighted things ... Find what you do best and do everything in your power to become a high-class specialist, as much as your abilities allow.
But, without using his talent, a person will perform tedious and boring work, only because they pay well for it or it gives a state of security. The result is an unsatisfied state of consciousness.
Maslow argued that the self-actualizing people he studied were not perfect and were not even free from big flaws, but they were all without exception committed to some task, duty, calling. They were not focused on themselves, but focused on problems that were above their immediate needs. You can say about them that they live in order to work, and not work in order to live.
The next step is to sort out the dependent and co-dependent relationships.
The main need of socially “normal” people is the use of other people to emphasize their importance and fill loneliness.
All steps of self-actualization lead to a unique ability to be alone, without feeling alone, to the ability to enjoy wealth and fullness of friendship.
The ability to remain calm and equanimity appears even with personal misfortunes and failures. All this is due to their own view of the situation without the need to rely on the opinions and feelings of others. Honors, status, prestige and popularity are becoming less significant than self-development and internal growth.
The next step is to learn to enjoy. Enjoy the music, the beauty of nature, the masterpieces of art so that they bring inspiration. Catch these amazing states. To develop a sense of nature, music. To notice the experiences of ecstasy, insight, moments of greatest enthusiasm and excitement.
Thanks to this, the ability to see and enjoy even the most insignificant events in life appears, the children's ability to surprise returns. Happiness is no longer taken for granted, life ceases to be boring and uninteresting.
A person becomes able to feel and experience peace, bliss, harmony, tranquility, love, merging with nature without artificial stimulants. In moments of peak experience, there is a sense of harmony with the world, the feeling of one's “I” is lost, or there is going beyond it.
The next step is to distinguish between goals and means of achievement. Learn to enjoy the process and do it for it. For example, not to set a goal - to do physical exercise for the sake of health, but to enjoy the exercise itself.
And one of the most difficult is going beyond the limits of your personal “I”.
This is achieved by observing their defense mechanisms, recognizing their existence and recognizing how they act. Protective mechanisms are the main limitations and obstacles to internal growth. These are buttons thanks to which a person becomes completely controllable and not free.
But this is work, the work is long and painstaking and not everyone will decide on it. Only internal awareness of the fact that it’s not just that you came to this earth, that you have talents, your own path, and an acute desire to find it, can only push you to such a job.
The result is the release of energy for self-realization.
But it cannot be said that self-actualizing people are angels in the flesh, that they are perfect.
They, like everyone, are prone to unconstructive and useless habits. At the same time they can be stubborn, irritable, boring, absurd, selfish and depressed. They may also contain feelings of guilt, anxiety, sadness, self-doubt.
But at the same time, they are free in their manifestations: capable of creativity, autonomous and self-confident, free of social and cultural influence, honest with themselves, able to abandon their illusions and make full use of their abilities.
The difference between the pursuit of excellence and self-actualization is the choice to be, rather than seem. The reward is life satisfaction.
And again briefly:
* Find a sense of security in yourself.
* Recognize your excellence.
* Develop courage, risk appetite.
* Get on an objective perception of reality.
* Become honest with yourself.
* Explore your inner nature and act in accordance with it.
* Find your potential opportunities, talents and develop them.
* Gain internal independence.
* Learn to distinguish goals and means of achieving them.
* Explore your defense mechanisms and go beyond them.
You got acquainted with the action plan for self-actualization. Does the question arise - how to implement it? Complicated? Interesting? Is it more pleasant to stay in illusions?
Exercise 1. Return children's interest
Do you know how a genius differs from an ordinary person? A genius asserts his right to do what he loves. This usually happens at a very young age.
Answer the question of what you loved doing in childhood. Even before your parents began to cram into you the setting that “drawing on bread does not work” or “dancing is not serious.” Write three things that really fascinated you as a child. This is a little clue where you want to go.
Exercise 2. Looking for patterns: 20 favorite activities
Now let's make a list of 20 of your favorite activities. Let some of them seem banal to you (for example, eat delicious food) - write anyway. When the list is ready, look carefully at these activities. See the patterns? Could it be that things related to helping people prevail on your list? Or some sports? Or affairs connected with quiet monotonous work?
Understand what groups this list can be divided into. It will help you understand what kind of life you would like to live.
Exercise 3. Your Perfect Environment
If no one believes in you, then it becomes even more difficult to believe in yourself. That is why the environment that generates winners almost always consists of winners. Unfortunately, the environment in which we are accustomed to growing does not favor the creation of geniuses.
Imagine that the world has changed overnight according to your needs. And the next morning it will be filled with people like you want. What will these people be like? What qualities do they have? Maybe all of them are creative, or, conversely, these are people who have passed a compromise of five plus? Maybe they do everything quickly, or, on the contrary, would you like to slow down the world?
What did you learn about yourself and what do you need to fully prove yourself?
Exercise 4. Five Lives
Now imagine: you will have five lives. And in each of them you can become what you want. How do you live these five lives?
This exercise, like everyone else, you can customize for yourself. If you manage for three lives - take three. It takes ten - do not deny yourself anything. I chose five just because I like that number.
So, imagine that you will devote one life to biology, the second - to professional travel, the third - to have a large family with a bunch of children, in the fourth you will become a sculptor, and in the fifth - an astronaut. Which one do you like more?
The most important thing here is to understand the following: if you need to choose only one life, even the one you like best, you will still miss the rest. Because they are your integral part. They rumbled into our heads: “Decide!” This is sad.
In the world there are people born for a single purpose, but this is a rare exception. Each of your lives contains something that you really love and need. And you can bring it into your life.
Exercise 5. My Perfect Day
Now we have a long walk according to your imagination. Take a pen and a piece, and drive. So how do you see your perfect day?
Live this day in the present tense and in every detail: where do you wake up, what kind of house is it, who is lying next to you, what do you eat for breakfast, what clothes do you wear, what do you do, what kind of work do you do, at home or in the office?
Do not limit your imagination. Describe the day that you would live, if you had absolute freedom, unlimited funds and all the strengths and skills that you only dreamed about.
After the list is compiled, divide all your fantasies into three groups:
- What of this do you need as air.
- Which is optional, but I would very much like to have it anyway.
- What you can do without.
Our life consists of life experience, stories, roles, relationships, earnings, skills. Some of this we ourselves choose. Some of what we call our choice is actually a compromise. Something generally a coincidence. Some of this is necessary and very expensive. But all this is not you.
Focus on yourself. Find what you love. And start moving towards your destination.
5 simple steps will help you find yourself in life
What is missing in life, what exactly pushes you to search, why are you reading this article?
What does it mean to find yourself in life?
How do you know if this happens?
Everything in life is reparable, the main thing is to know what to correct.
Are you looking for a favorite business, a truly loved one, or are you looking for a place to live well?
If you are asking these questions, then you most likely have already found yourself. Because the search begins with what is inside of you.
And there everything is already there.
For, to find a place, where you will live well, you must first accept your body. Because this is your very first home.
For, to find your man, you need to love yourself, the one who lives in this house. And having loved yourself, you will understand what to do.
We all, in fact, are looking for a special state of happiness. And the question of finding yourself, first of all, comes down to this state.
And happiness can only be if you maintain in yourself a sincere love of life, at least the size of a grain. Because every day gives you something worth living for.
Is there a universal instruction?
Notice how many words and allusions to joyful love were mentioned in the previous paragraph?
There is such an instruction!
All you need is love. - All you need is love.
Based on this, you will come to what you are looking for.
Perhaps this phrase seemed trite to anyone, but then why and what are you looking for?
Try love in practice. It seems to be based on the fact that when you give, you receive.
To find yourself in this life, you must be awake. And not only physically, but also morally.
Поймите правильно, мы не имеем ввиду, не спать вообще. Это не полезно для организма, который надо любить и уважать, чтобы он ответил здоровьем.
Но в состоянии сна вы вряд ли cможете действительно отыскать то, что ищите.
К спячке разума относится не только физический сон или безделье.
Сюда же относится злоупотребление развлечениями, соц. сетями, телевизором, алкоголем, наркотиками и т.д.
All this, sooner or later, lulls the mind and steals time.
If harmony is the end result.
If we consider searches as a search for harmony, then the path ahead becomes a little clearer. So, you should let go of everything that brings you disharmony. All that oppresses. Everything that spends your strength, but in one way or another, does not bring joy or satisfaction in the end.
It’s hard for a person to let go of anything. Partly because of a hidden desire for power, partly because of fear, partly because of habit. But anyone who seeks himself in life must be prepared for this. Otherwise, real harmony, which is similar to the key of joy, beating from under the ground, cannot be achieved.
How to learn to let go?
Let go = believe in the light at the end of the tunnel + wish good + know how to forgive.
To learn how to let go, one must be able to forgive. And to forgive deeply, from the heart, and only in this way the inner sheet of white color can be renewed.
Forgive not only someone or someone, but also yourself. Have there been situations after which you had a feeling that you could be braver or smarter, etc.? Goodbye to this, everything is as it is, which means it must be so.
In the same way, forgive others from the heart.
And finally - relax and do!
The crown of all preparation is action and self-expression.
Dream less, translate more.
Take a look around, a lot of opportunities.
Remember that intelligence is a tool, and sincere feelings are a guide.
To know oneself is a difficult task, because a person is not simple in himself, he also wraps himself in various masks, clothes, duties, etc. But you have already formulated the problem, and if you want to find yourself, then it will be so.